As I began writing this, the last hours of 2024 were ticking away. I’m facing the weird feeling I always get when a year ends and a new one begins. There’s this sense of unease I feel, leaving the emotional comfort of a year that feels lived-in, and all of a sudden there’s this new year that I have to get used to.
And really, it’s silly. It’s not like there’s some kind of physical, perceptible transition; it’s not like a car crossing over a set of tracks. While we humans make much ado about it, the creatures of nature will carry on with no regard for this human-created milestone. I can’t help thinking this dread is silly, but it’s the same dread I feel about being given a blank piece of paper and being told to create something; instead of thinking about all the possibilities, I feel the empty space and think not only about the vastness of the journey, but of all the ways things could go wrong.
Which is funny, given that 2024 was a wringer of a year for me. I’ve not been fond of the word “bittersweet” but I can’t think of a word to better describe 2024. I’ve had some really peak experiences, done some things I never thought I’d get to do, and had some good times with some really good people. I’ve gone to new places. I had to push myself to take on new challenges and ended up learning new things about myself, and what had scared me turned out to be exhilarating.
But I’ve also suffered losses in 2024. Some of them are the kinds of losses you’re likely to suffer the older you get, but it doesn’t make them hurt less. My mother was in the emergency room the very first day of the year, and the first 13 days of January were a series of ups and downs, until the biggest heart I’ve ever known in my life finally gave out. For years I had known it was going to happen at some point, but no matter how much you intellectually prepare, you can’t foretell the emotional hit. Thankfully, our family came together, did the hard stuff we had to do, made sure Dad didn’t fall into an emotional hole, and we survived.
In my own mind, it’s been an odyssey. The first two weeks of the year were off-and-on feelings of dread, preparing for what could happen. On that last day, as my feelings sank, I began to brace. When the word finally came…well, my grief let go in a very quick burst. And then I focused on what needed doing. It’s how I work through what distresses me. I adapted better than I imagined, although there have been some moments.
That said, that opening led to others. So much of 2024 has been about re-evaluating what I thought I knew. It’s involved the kind of hard work that doesn’t allow for shortcuts. I’ve had to realize a lot of things I thought I knew weren’t really so, and that a lot of assumptions I’d made were faulty. To get into the weeds on this would not only go more deeply personal than I care to in a public forum, but would bore you to tears, so I’ll only say that this year and this journey led me to take lessons from James Stockdale, Epictetus and Marcus Aurelius; led me to realize the truth that while I cannot control events, I can control how I react to them; and if I focus on what I can control, that will keep me busy enough.
If I could say 2024 was uniformly sad, it would be useful for sorting purposes, but it would be inaccurate. I’d have to leave out the weirdness of a trip I made in February with a lift-gate truck, during which I took custody of four priceless pieces of broadcast history. I’d have to leave out the surprise invitation to media day at Dollywood in early March, which not only let me drive through gorgeous scenery on the trip up, but provided the priceless opportunity to be a few rows away from the Queen herself as she addressed all we media types in attendance. I’d have to leave out that strange, hurried but exhilarating trip to Philadelphia to visit the flagship. I’d have to leave out a surprise weekend trip to New York, sitting at an edit station inside ABC as that morning’s Good Morning America was underway. I’d have to leave out helping a colleague get a book published. I’d have to leave out a lot of moments that brought me happiness.
Some years, you look back on as halcyon days. Other years, you look back on and think “however bad things are now, at least they’re not as bad as they were then.” I don’t know if I’ll look at 2024 that way, but I am reasonably confident I’ll look back and think of this year as a stern teacher – the kind of teacher who made your life difficult, but over time you realize the value of what you learned.
And yes, 2024 taught me some lessons. Valuable lessons.
But I sure am hoping that 2025 will be more gentle.
